Amy: There are rules at our house. Basic things really: Pull the shower curtain closed when you’re done so it doesn’t dry all stuck together and the next person (me) doesn’t have to struggle to pull the curtain apart at 6 a.m.
Brandon: Rules, schmules! I’ll admit, it’s not really that bad, but it sure is fun to joke with my wife. The shower curtain rule is based on simple scientific fact related to volume. You see, I leave the shower curtain open so the steam from the hot shower evacuates quicker than if the curtain was closed. See my point, guys? Mr. Wizard would be proud.
Amy: It’s not often my husband rolls his eyes, but when I say, “New rule,” he rolls ‘em and lets out a sigh. It’s something I’ve been doing the last few years – it’s my way of communicating clearly. When I say, “New rule,” my husband knows I mean business.
Brandon: I so cherish the moments when I can create a “New rule” for her. I know there are several for Amy too but I just can’t remember them when the pressure is on. Do you think she has a list? Ah… I remember one. New rule: Turn off the lights when you leave a room. Amy is notorious for breaking this one. I find myself flippin’ switches off all the time. Now she calls me Johnny Kilowatt.
Amy: New rule: All of your stuff goes in the “mansket” on the kitchen table. It’s the best rule ever. I created a place for all of his stuff – screws, random receipts and business cards, coins and stocking caps – to be placed in one spot, instead of scattered all over the kitchen table. It’s fondly referred to as the man basket – he calls it the “mansket.”
Amy: New rule: I decided we needed to eat less red meat so I proposed meat-free Mondays. He looked at me and said, “Honey, I’m a man. I eat meat.” OK, so much for that rule.
Brandon: To quote Paul Harvey, “And now, the rest of the story.” She tried to convince me to eat a TOFU BURGER! ‘Nuff said.
Amy: I never thought I’d have to actually make a rule for this, but here’s the latest new rule: No putting the cat on the dog. In an attempt at humor, my husband tried to put the cat on the dog’s back to ride around the living room. Apparently some things need to be spelled out.
Brandon: I saw this on TV and couldn’t resist. I got busted before things could really be tried. Do these rules apply when she’s not home? Maybe I’ll risk it and give the cat and dog experiment a try some time. Either I or our insurance agent will let you know how this went.
Amy: He enjoys poking fun at me for making rules and often references the fact that I’m slowly chipping away at his manhood. However, every once in a while he gets to make a “new rule.” For example, my husband is particular about how the dishwasher is loaded. I mean really particular. The plates must be perpendicular to the right angle of the cutting board, which is proportionate to the triangular trajectory of the coffee mug on the rack above. Seriously, it’s weird. So, I have to follow rules for loading the dishwasher… but as any good wife knows, it sure is fun to mess with your husband once in a while. I delight in putting a dish out of place in the dishwasher. It’s my version of putting the cat on the dog.
Brandon and Amy Chaffins of Alexandria have been married nine years – long enough to have learned to live with each other’s “quirks.”