By Brandon and Amy Chaffins
Brandon: So, for the last 15 years of my career, I’ve never been forced to figure out what to wear to work. The biggest struggle I have ever had was making sure that my uniform shirt and pants were clean and pressed. Well, now I have a whole new challenge – I have to decide what to wear every single day!!! Oh, yeah, they still have to be clean and pressed too. Thought I would clarify … Ha!
Brandon: All I can say is thank goodness I am married! Yes, I said it, I appreciate the fact that I have a significant other in my life to, of many things, approve my outfit for the day.
Amy: It’s amusing that husbands consider outfit choice selection to be such a huge undertaking. Well, fellas, welcome to our world.
Brandon: One thing that constantly causes my brain to become a quivering bowl of Jell-O is the list of unwritten rules that govern the wardrobe universe. Goodness!!! I mean, really? This shirt with those pants? No, not that shirt with those pants?? How many shades of khaki are there? Uff da!!
Amy: Breathe, my dear. Remember the meltdown of November 2015 when you realized your belt has to match your shoes? We don’t want to go down that road again, do we?
Brandon: I admit that I am a pretty stubborn dude and think that I can get this figured out on my own. Let me break it down for you … The night before, I stand at my closet just staring at all the options. It reminds me of Ralphie from the movie “A Christmas Story.” Imagine the scene with him standing before the department store window in awe of the Red Rider BB gun he so desires … That’s the look I have on my face. I liken my brain to Ralphie’s at that point – we’re both pondering the impossible solution to a problem – his acquisition of the BB gun to my conquering of the wardrobe universe’s rules.
Amy: That’s quite the comparison.
Brandon: So I finally determine what shirt and pants I will be wearing to work the next day. I learned rather quickly that the final step in the process is to run my choice by the wife. It was painfully taught one morning early on in my trip into the insane world of the wardrobe universe. I walked into the kitchen where Amy was having breakfast and I read her face like a book. The face I encountered is what I refer to as the “lemon face.” I’m very familiar with the “lemon face” because I’ve been the cause of this face countless times over my tenure as husband.
Amy: Good to know you’ve become sooooo familiar with that facial expression that you’ve named it.
Brandon: You know, now that I think of it, I had better not upset Amy too much. I wonder if she has ever sent me out the door in violation of the wardrobe universe rules? Hmmm …
Amy: I’d never …
Brandon: Well, I am learning sloooooooowly and find that when I get it right I do a fist pump. Small victory, I know. What I have done is rebelled in a couple of ways. #1- when my belt isn’t visible like when I wear a sweater, I don’t match my belt to my shoes. #2- I wear fun, un-matching and sometimes crazy loud socks (I swear I’m over 40, just ask Amy). So my advice fellas is this: Run your wardrobe choice past your significant other if that’s an option. If not, the many shades of khaki and black pants seem to be the most in tune with the wardrobe universe. Now as far as the shoes and belt thing goes … I got nothing. Sorry! Until next time fellas, keep the faith.